Check out our collection of Marriage Tips from our weekly newsletters. There a many good ideas here. Why not try one today?
Especially for Valentine's Day--Have a Memory Lane Great Date!
Valentine's Day gets overbooked, so reserve ahead at your favorite restaurant. At dinner, talk about your own love story.
Talk about the Past
- First time you saw each other
- First date
- First kiss
- Favorite dates
- When you decided to tie the knot
- Wedding day
- Most romantic moments
Celebrating the Present
- What do I like most about my spouse?
- What is the best thing that happened to us in the last 12 months?
- What are some fun things we can do to build memories in the future?
Provided by the authors of http://www.10GreatDates.org
|Watch this 2-minute video of Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of the best-selling book and video conference, Love and Respect.|
|Click here to watch the video|
Tips about the Power of Love and Respect
Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Research reveals that during marital conflict a husband most often reacts when feeling disrespected and a wife reacts when feeling unloved. We asked 7,000 people this question: When you are in conflict with your spouse or significant other, do you feel unloved or disrespected? 83% of the men said "disrespected." 72% of the women said "unloved."
Though we all need love and respect equally, the felt need differs during conflict. For example, when a woman feels unloved during conflict, her natural reaction is to respond disrespectfully. And when a husband feels disrespected during conflict, his reaction is to respond unlovingly. We call this the Crazy Cycle: "Without love a wife reacts without respect, and without respect a husband reacts without love."
The message the wife is trying to send in her negative reaction (criticism/contempt) is, "I don't feel loved by you right now." The message the husband hears is, "I don't respect you, buster, unless you change immediately." When he reacts either in anger or by stonewalling, the message the wife hears again is, "I don't love you."
Things get crazy because this feeds itself. Her disrespect feeds his lack of love. His unloving reactions feed her disrespect. Round and round it goes.
The good news is that this cycle can be broken. Isn't this exciting? What couples want is love and respect, and the key to long-term marriages is the attitude and action of love and respect. Quoted from www.loveandrespect.com
The Keys to a Loving Marriage: Communication and Attention
What does it take to build and maintain a loving marriage in today's busy and fast paced life?
The reality of pressures from daily living and work often don't fit within personal, family or societal visions of "the perfect marriage." This often puts couples in the middle of a firefight. In the midst of the hectic schedule, it is often the simple and practical things to do that escape them.
Growing and fostering a healthy marriage should include these essential components:
- Consistent communication and romantic gestures that are maintained with both partner's needs understood and considered.
- Understanding and accepting one another's faults.
- Remaining supportive through efforts to learn from mistakes, rather than belittling or focusing on the negative.
- Respecting each other's habits, hobbies, desires, etc.
- Understanding and encouraging the independence necessary at times to grow as individuals as well as a couple.
It is often said that "a marriage takes a lot of work". Perhaps it is better said in this way, "a marriage needs a lot of attention". The attention that two people give each other while falling in love should never really go away. While certainly the needs and demands of family and life are incorporated into a married couple's relationship, why would anyone replace the attention they gave to the love of their life, with attention to other things? And besides, it's fun!
Taking a class, a workshop, or even an at home study for your marriage on a regular basis is crucial to experiencing a growing and loving marriage.
Eat, Talk, and Play!
In our busy lives, all too often we don't make time for the most basic of social functions -- eating together! Be sure to make time to sit down together and share a meal for two. Try to even share the preparation -- and the clean-up! If you haven't got time to cook, how about a take-away, or a romantic meal at a local restaurant? Take the time to eat face to face, not in front of the TV!
What does your daily communication as a couple consist of? Organizing the family and home, questions about the kids, what needs to go on the shopping list? Or perhaps some of the big decisions of life -- whether to move, what new car to buy, your health or ailments? When was the last time you sat down and just talked about "you" -- the challenges of life, what's motivating you, what's dragging you down, how it feels to be you -- or perhaps your hopes and dreams for your future together? Make some time this week to sit down together just to "talk"!
When we first fall in love, life always seems to be full of fun -- but as the years go by, sometimes we forget to play together! Why not make some time to do something together you both enjoy --something as simple as going for a walk, watching a movie together, taking a dance class, or spending an evening in your local pub or a jazz club. For the truly adventurous, think para-gliding or a zip line! Maybe just curl up together in front of a fire, and read stories to each other. Whatever it is, try and find something you can both take part in, and which will remind you of the fun times in your relationship!
Tips for a Great Date Night!
Regular Date Nights with your spouse are proven to improve the quality of your marriage!
Plan to go out to dinner next week, or do something fun—just the two of you— bowling, a museum, a local theatrical production. Keep the conversation positive and productive with these quick tips:
1. Celebrate and Have Fun!
Tell your partner about one thing that first attracted you to them.
2. Be Vulnerable and Be Grateful
Take turns sharing this sentence: "When I see the person you are, I am really grateful for your unique character qualities. I am especially grateful for your _____________ ,and I see that quality in you when _________________________."
(Affirm qualities such as diligence, understanding, dependability, generosity, compassion, supportiveness, thoughtfulness, helpfulness, caring heart, respectfulness, attentiveness, or encouraging spirit. Granted, your spouse will have weaknesses, but now is not the time to focus on those. Focus on affirming a strength or two.)
3. Celebrate Imperfections and Express Thanks
Take turns sharing this sentence: "I know that I can sometimes be _____________, but thank you for remembering today, that deep down, I really am a _____________ person. I love you."
(Your weaknesses might include being impatient, irritable, insensitive, preoccupied, oblivious, sloppy, compulsive, forgetful, etc. BUT this is not the time to remind your spouse of his/her imperfections. Agree not to brow beat the other person if they admit their weaknesses....but rather thank them for sharing, and thank them for their strengths.)